intersect, where the bible meets life

by Dr. Garnett Reid

The Voice of Those Who Weep: Christians and Chronic Illness, Part Two

Just who brought it up, I wonder. Did he ask them to help him get there, or did they come to him with the idea? However it happened, the paralyzed man in Capernaum had at least four friends in his support group. They got him to Jesus—even if it was an idea that turned out to be “through the roof”—and Jesus did the rest.

Whether you know it now or later, your calling may be to care for a chronically ill friend or loved one. If that turns out to be the case, here are some tips for you as a caregiver:

• Educate yourself about the disease. Know what you and your loved one are facing. But remember, you’re not the doctor.
  

• Be flexible. Many chronic illnesses result in a roller coaster of emotions for the patient. One day is good, the next miserable. Don’t tell your loved one how she ought to feel.
  

• Expect intermittent bouts of depression. Someone who has never dealt with this issue may experience despair, withdrawal, and even anger in varying degrees.
  

• Understand that illnesses affect people in different ways. If your patient is irritable, just roll with it.

• Understand that it is the disease being grumpy, not your friend. It’s not personal.
  

• Sense your friend’s “rhythms.” Discern when she is feeling good, when it’s a good time to have visitors, to do things, and when it’s not.
  

• Be available. Loneliness is often a huge issue. She may not ask for help, but don’t force yourself on your friend. And by all means, don’t talk all the time! Say something like, “I’d just like to be with you, if that’s okay.” Then know when to back off, when to leave.
  

• Remember that a person just diagnosed with a chronic illness is adjusting to a “new normal” and seeing life in a whole new light. That adjustment may be difficult.
  

• Be alert to physical issues, depending on the disease. Simple things might cause pain for your friend. You may have to be careful about hugs, handshakes, or just touching.
  

• Your loved one may need for you to go to the doctor with her. You may be the “interpreter” who needs to listen carefully to what the physician says. If so, do your best to get it right.
  

• Except in extreme cases where adverse reactions might be occurring, don’t offer your opinions about medications other than to support what the doctor prescribes.
  

• Be sure your loved one has access to medical help in emergencies, including electronic devices, a cordless phone, and other electronic devices.
  

• Help with ordinary chores if she desires—laundry, cleaning, child care, cooking, and errands, for example.
  

• Suggest a creative outlet if your friend is up to it. Help her stay involved in life—a hobby, reading, crafts, going for a walk or a drive or other activities.
  

• Don’t preach or lecture to her. But if she wants to preach to you, let her.

• Do say:
  “I’m sorry you are hurting. I’m here for you.”
  “Tell me how you feel, if you’d like. I want to understand.”
  “You are a blessing to me.”

• Don’t say:
  “I know what you’re going through.”
  “It could be worse.”
  “Cheer up. You’ll beat this.”
  “My friend had the same thing, and he’s okay now.”

Both you and your friend need some time alone now and then. Be sure both of you get it. Have a network of friends you can talk to, people with whom you can share your frustrations. Don’t complain to your ill loved one. Write things down. Keep a notebook or a journal telling your friend’s story and your observations.

Remember that this emotional investment can swallow your life. Caregiving can drain every ounce of your energy. You need to take care of your own health for your sake as well as to be able to help your friend.

The Gospels describe a woman with a chronic hemorrhage who found the greatest Caregiver. After years of desperation, she had nothing left except hope in Jesus. She needed nothing else except to touch Jesus. And she found everything she needed in Jesus. By His presence and through His care, the great Caregiver can turn the voice of those who weep into the song of those who rejoice.
God bless you as He loves through your love.

Next Intersect: Dr. Mary and the Cherubim...a closer look at cherubim—mysterious beings found throughout the Word of God.

INTERSECT (Where the Bible Meets Life) is a regular column of ONE Magazine featuring Dr. Garnett Reid, a member of the Bible faculty at Free Will Baptist Bible College. Email Garnett greid@fwbbc.edu